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Leo (US)
October 21, 1998

Tori's Strength

by Elizabeth Shaw

After I miscarried, it was very difficult finding my strength as a woman because you can't go back to who you were before you carried life, you just can't, but you're not a mother, either. So it was really about me spending a lot of time by the water. And I would just start watching how the sea had this internal rhythm -- and sometimes it would be really choppy out there, and turbulent, and sometimes it was almost like glass, so calm. And I would take my little speedboat out and just spend time on the water. I spent hours out there. Just kind of sitting and being with the water, and then I'd come back and play.


I think that's how I rebuilt my circuitry after being really fried after we lost the baby. Because, you got to figure, your hormones are crashing, your heart's crashing, everything's crashing. There's no drug that can make you OK. You have to come to terms with a lot of stuff ... You have to somehow align yourself with something that is bigger and greater than you are that has something to teach you, if that makes any sense. And I figured that the earth is constantly going through death and life at such a quick rate, at the same time. And I just started to watch how the planet deals with these things.

I mean, I'd go out on the boat and it would be the calmest, stillest thing, and while I was out there, before I could get back, it would be, you know -- it would be Gilligan's Island, I'd be singing the tale of the castaway, I didn't know if I was gonna get back. And so the power of the rhythm of the sea was the thing that I knew I had to find in my own being. And it just became a part of my life and my music and everything else.


To me, it's like a painter. If you're working with oils or pastels, you know, sometimes I'm into working with chalk and sometimes I'm not, as a player. You get bored unless you keep trying things.


I wrote it for one of my girlfriends who just had a streak of men who really didn't get her. Sometimes I play the role of the man in my relationships with my female friends. I'm not talking physical, I'm talking on an emotional level. And so this is about being understanding. That if I were 6-foot-4 and had one less hole and a couple more round hairy things, there's no way that these men would be able to compete. Because I really think that they miss the beauty in the women that I find really attractive. They really miss it.

I don't know where I want to go next. So I'm just kind of taking my time.

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